Unraveling the Secrets to Success and Fulfillment in the Corporate World with Vidya Rahman

John Gallagher: 0:01

Hey, uncommon Leaders, welcome back. This is the Uncommon Leader podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher. Today I've got a very special guest the inspiring and insightful Vidya Rahman. Vidya is an author, speaker and thought leader in the field of personal growth and leadership development. Her book Lucky you and Insider's Guide to Achieving Success and Finding Fulfillment in the Corporate World is out, and I couldn't be more excited to dive into the wisdom she has to share. In this episode, vidya opens up about her personal journey, the challenges she faced in her career and how she discovered the keys to unlocking success and fulfillment. We'll explore the power of self-awareness, the importance of setting expectations and the impact of giving and receiving feedback. Let's get started. Vidya Rahman, welcome to the Uncommon Leader podcast. It's such a pleasure to have you on the show. How are you doing today?

Vidya Raman: 0:56

I'm doing well. Thank you, John, for having me. It's an honor to be on your show.

John Gallagher: 1:00

Well, I appreciate that. I'm looking forward to our conversation today. We're going to talk about your book Lucky you I love the title of that book as we go forward, but before we do that, I'm going to start you off. I'm not giving you any breaks or anything else. You're going to be just like all my other first-time guests and answer my traditional question for you to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are as a person or as a leader today.

Vidya Raman: 1:24

Story. So from a story perspective, let me talk about my father. Actually, I had what I call a very typical protected, sheltered upbringing in India, but the biggest influence in my life was my father. He made it a point to tell his children about his life as we were growing up. What I learned from my father was hard work was everything, and everybody can get out of a challenging situation if you work hard. That was a work ethic that we grew up with. My dad had what I call a true rags to riches story. His childhood was all about he didn't know where his next meal was coming from, and then he found his way. It was education. He did what he had to do to get that education and then he made it. So he made it a point to keep all of us who were relatively privileged growing up on the same trajectory. He didn't want us to lose that energy and that momentum that somebody who's really hungry has. He wanted to make sure we stayed hungry. So for me, my childhood memory is all about my dad. Every time I said something that was remotely smart or used a good English vocabulary word, he was so impressed he would shake hands. I mean, he was odd that way, but he would say, oh my God, that's a great word. As I became older, he would say things like one day, vidya, you will be in the United Nations speaking and your old father will come to hear you speak. And I don't know why those days I would laugh at it. But what he was doing was inspiring me, step by step, sowing the seed, that, yes, there is greatness waiting for you. Be ambitious, be driven. And he had a way of encouraging me, and I tell you his parenting style was odd, because he would also say things like which, today, parents may not say if I wasn't doing well or if I wasn't being perceived as ambitious. He would say things like how can a lion's daughter be a lamb? You know, and I'm like I don't know what that means, but I would think, oh my God, my dad's a little disappointed, I need to work a little harder. But in a way, he kept me motivated and charged and that is the childhood energy with which I came into this country as an adult. And I brought that energy, that work ethic, that, yes, education sets you up for success, working hard sets you up for success, and that's where I began my corporate America journey in the US. So my dad really molded me to believe in education and hard work.

John Gallagher: 4:13

I love that and as I listen to that and think about setting the expectations for our kids, right, that there is greatness. I love the word that you use greatness. I heard inspiring, I heard encouraging, I heard motivating. Even in providing feedback, when we needed maybe a kick in the tail or a message that we weren't quite holding our end up on that expectation, that was there. So I am absolutely sure that that's impacted you, and my guess is it's had an impact, because I know that writing a book is not easy, that it takes a lot of hard work to write a book as well. So your book is Lucky you, an insider's guide to achieving success and finding fulfillment in the corporate world. So many listeners that are on the Uncommon Leader podcast are leaders in the corporate world today, and one of the words they probably wouldn't use is Lucky. So let's start off right off the bat with your title Lucky you. What does it mean Lucky you in terms of the title of the book? How'd you get that?

Vidya Raman: 5:10

Right. When I came up with the title, I was a firm believer in creating your own luck, but I wasn't there though. I wasn't there at the beginning of my journey Now. I had a pretty good start in corporate America. I worked hard, I produced results, I got some promotions. But there was a long patch where I felt, no matter how hard I worked, no matter the results, I felt I stagnated and I couldn't express my true potential. Right, who am I? And I felt like everybody else seemed to be getting ahead, but I wasn't moving ahead. So there was a little bit of that unhappiness that took over my life. And when I used to see announcements on LinkedIn about somebody's promotion, a little bit of bitterness in me would say they're just lucky, right place at the right time. Lucky, maybe they belong to some clique, that's why they got ahead. Or sometimes I would even say you know, you can kiss, you know what to get ahead in corporate America. I was somewhat jaded by that point, but I tell you, I saw this quote and in hindsight it applies to where I was. Deep pain of unexpressed potential can push you in directions that help you, like I think pain really, really pushes you, because this is a I think it's a Michael Beckwith quote pain pushes you until a vision pulls you. So when I was being pushed by the pain of invisibility, I reached out to all the self help gurus out there. I had Dr Wayne Dyer, oprah Winfrey. I listened to tapes and you know, those days we had CDs. I should listen on the car, on my drive to work, and these leaders taught me things like self awareness. Then I realized, wait, maybe I'm not getting ahead because I don't know who I am, what are my strengths and what are my blind spots. And I and I really reflected on that and once I figured out what exactly it takes to get ahead and I look back at all those people who I labeled as just lucky I said no, these people were not just lucky. They played the game well, they paid attention to what was going on, they studied the industry. They were also, they came with the right attitude and then they showcased the strengths that they crafted to the right people at the right time to get ahead. What I didn't have was that whole skill to navigate. And that's when I realized these people were not just lucky. They created their own luck, they paid attention to their environment and they paid attention to themselves. And once I started doing that, things started changing for me. I started getting ahead. So then I realized it's all about creating luck. Okay, why not take that lucky you you got ahead or lucky you you have the new car? As these people didn't just get luck, they worked for it, they worked hard for it, they created the luck with strategy and precision, and that's the whole origin of my book. I don't think lucky is some happenstance thing. You can. You have it in you to control what you can control, to create your luck. So that was the origin.

John Gallagher: 8:28

I love that. So you turn that around you. Actually you have the ability to create your own luck. We're going to talk about the framework of your book here in a little bit as to how you do that, how you create your own luck. But you talked about the use term self awareness and in your introduction you actually talk about it sounds like a moment in which like literally, was a moment when you became self aware. Was it a piece of feedback from a supervisor or performance where you were looking to get a promotion that you didn't get? I think you talked a little bit about that story.

Vidya Raman: 8:59

Well, there were many moments. It took me a collection of moments. I remember when somebody I trained got ahead and I did not. That was a deeply low point in my life, I would call it. But I remember at that point and I was already into myself help books and I said you know what? Let me go speak to my manager and give them evidence of my contributions and do all that. I was ready, I scheduled the call but I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared the way I should have been and being in a very emotional state, lack of self mastery, lack of self regulation. Instead of saying what I wanted to say, I just went off on a tangent, airing my grievances, talking about all the unfair things I perceived happening to me. Here I was, all the tears rolling down my face. I realized, wow, here I'm, somebody who wants to be promoted to leadership. I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face and talking about how unfair the world was and I thought you're not getting that promotion. But I realized I had to work on myself. I needed to have the self mastery, the self regulation, being prepared. Just having a few notes didn't help the situation. It's a highly competitive place, corporate America, in case people don't know that. I mean you have very few spots in the leadership thing and you got to win that spot. You got to earn that spot and you can't just expect hard work and results to pay off. You got to work the system in a smart way, ethical way, but you still have to work it. You got to show like you're composed. You have the right composure. So I blew that opportunity. But I realized and my boss was very kind, he felt sad for me and he said keep doing what you're doing. You're doing very well, it'll come. But one thing led to another thing my own limitations kept me where I was until and I've had some seriously embarrassing moments where people come and say after all these years, this is all the title you have. I mean, these things kind of hit me hard. I did what some people do today, which is I disengage. I said you know what? I'm not working hard anymore, it's pointless. But then I realized nobody else was really getting hurt. I was getting hurt. My growth is stalled because I'm mad at somebody. I'm like that's, it makes no sense. So I realized I got to throw my energy into the right things and, as I realized, once I realized a little bit of self regulation, self mastery, and then I played the cards a whole lot better to start making a dent and my career trajectory did change and shift a whole lot. But I was taking notes when all that was happening.

John Gallagher: 11:46

That's great. So you and I talked, before we hit the record button, about a mutual mentor or influencer author that we tend to follow, rory Vaden, and one of the things I said to you before is that one of the quotes that really struck me from him was that people are most powerfully positioned to help the person that they used to be. So is that who this book is for? Oh, yes, it's for you.

Vidya Raman: 12:09

That book is for me. That book was exactly for where I was years ago, struggling, feeling if only I get that opportunity to express who I truly am and what I'm capable of and the leader I deserve to be. But you were not getting ahead. It's for that pain that somebody is facing today, because I know what it is to walk in that pain. And this book is for that person who's driven, who's ambitious, but just doesn't know how to set the stage to get ahead.

John Gallagher: 12:37

I love that, I love that. Ok, so we talked about that kind of that reason for action, if you will, that the get ahead to grow, to continuously grow Some of the things that get in the way, some of the behaviors that you talk about to get in the way. So you know, how do leaders, the ones that are listening, how do they get out of that mindset? You talk about a framework called a five-step framework, called shift. So tell me what shift is and how people can get started on that journey to get out of that rut.

Vidya Raman: 13:07

Right. I tell you you, if you only have a view of where you want to go, you are in a tough place. You really have to know where you are. So when you look at any map, this is where you're starting. This is your starting point, your starting point. If you don't know where you are, you won't know how to get to the target goal. So it starts with knowing who you really are. It could be your strengths, your weaknesses, your interests, your natural wiring right. Do you work better in the morning or you work better in the evening? Are you an introvert, extrovert? There's so much about you that you've got to discover. And you know we're all lucky. We have so many free tests online that people could take. Beyond that, you know your success definition has to be your very own. It cannot be somebody else's success definition, and I think people get trapped because they're following the crowd. Because what happens is, if you pick the wrong goal, the wrong success goal that you need, you're not going to be a happy person, you're not going to be fulfilled. I use the word success and fulfillment in my book title Two different words signifying two different other things. If your success goal is clearly, uniquely yours, you will feel fulfilled at the end. If your success is somebody else's definition, you're not going to fail it. So it's self-awareness, digging deep into who you are, knowing what your definition of success is. I've had people who thought a traveling job would be super sexy and they can do everything, and then absolutely detested getting stuck in airports, staying in hotel rooms, all that right. So you really need to know what you want and it takes a little bit of self-awareness for that. The second thing that I said in setting the stage for success is one is you know yourself and know the people you work with. I tell you the people you work with whether it's your peers, people below you in the hierarchy, above you in the hierarchy, the corporate culture Half the time people at work are moving around like robots on autopilot without paying attention to what's going on around them. So I say self-awareness, social awareness, because, remember, there are very few spots as you go up the hierarchy, remember you've got to learn to work with others, collaborate with others, understand what is valued, what is not valued, and how do you build relationships. You can only get ahead if people care about you. So you have to invest in your relationships at work. So that's a whole social awareness thing, because I tell you you know this so well, john, given your background and your podcast is, people are all into their own heads and they're only thinking about themselves. In a conversation, if you shift it to what does the other person want I mean just what's in it for them you can really build strong relationships, you can build your credibility. They will actually want to help you. So those are my two things Self-awareness, social awareness get you off the ground and it takes time. It takes active listening, it takes paying attention two things Pay attention, see your own triggers and pay attention to the people around you and you're really set. It's emotional intelligence really.

John Gallagher: 16:23

There you go. Okay, I love the start to that process. One of the things you talk about, even within that, is Project you. Is that really the understanding, or what is Project you?

Vidya Raman: 16:38

So, first of all, my background. I used to be a project manager, so people tend to work very hard on these corporate projects, big transformational projects. You get to the desired outcome, but why don't you treat yourself as a project? So when I say Project you, I'm basically saying it's your roadmap, You're all the activities that go to implementing the future you. So goals could be smart goals, Like we talk about specific, if you want to quantify, getting a certification, whatever that is. But I like these future identity goals Like who do you want to be in six months? Who do you want to be in a year? What's your ultimate vision for who you want to be? Those are my future identity goals. So Project you is nothing more than taking you from right where you are, meeting you where you are and giving you a step-by-step plan to get to that desired outcome. It could be as simple as I just want a plumb project. I want to lead a project at work. It could be a promotion and eventually I'm hoping everybody builds all the right skills emotional intelligence, knowing the business, all of that to get to a point where maybe you can start your own business at the very end. But you can't get there until you go through the steps of your journey to really figure out who you are, build your resilience and your Project. You goals are accomplished at the end, but this is dedicated effort. In your time management quadrants it's every day. Spend some time in growing and developing yourself.

John Gallagher: 18:19

I love that. I love, I mean every day you spend some time growing. I project you. I mean, again, understanding where you are, where you need to be very powerful. The framework you talk about in shift set the stage for success. You talked about that harness hidden gems, ignite your power, forge your path to fulfillment and thrive and flourish. So I would love to be able to have the time to talk about all five of those points. We don't have the time in the podcast today. But you talked about setting the stage for success and I'm very intrigued by the last step in the process that you coach, and that's thrive and flourish. So how do you know when you get to the point where you thrive and you flourish?

Vidya Raman: 18:56

Good, very, very good question. So the first four steps, john, is for a corporate employee to see those earlier steps result in some outcome, because you're not going to believe a process until you see results right. So, when you finish with F, forge your path. What you've done is you've built up the future, you, the way of doing business, the way of living, the way of operating. When you get to thrive and flourish, you are now a more complete person, a person in control of their own destiny, like you know when we talk about an external locus of control versus an internal locus of control, knowing what you can control and what you cannot control. So once you learn, once you've figured out the stronger you, now that you know who, the stronger you is, what you can accomplish. You have confidence in and in your own power. And guess what? The sky is the limit, right? You now know I've gone through all these steps. I have actually become a much smarter strategic person. Now, where will I take my growth? Right, I can. Now I have all the tools I need to thrive and flourish. So it could be you keep working on. Maybe you're a manager, maybe your goal is just the corporate ladder. Yes, you become the director, you become the assistant vice president, you become the vice president, or it could be, as you're going up this ladder, you're suddenly discovering things about you that you didn't know previously, because now you have more data points. Suddenly people are reacting to you and saying you know, you are amazing coach. Right, you are. You've been so helpful. Why don't you train my team? Suddenly somebody's opening up doors for you that previously never opened. So you may be in the technical field and suddenly you're coaching a group of 20. Like, how did that happen? Because you built up this person and now you're suddenly you're seeing doors you never saw before. So then you go off on that trajectory. Or maybe your goal is not corporate goals. Your goal is a balance between all your domains your personal life, your family life, fun and play. You want a very optimal lifestyle. You have a vision of a lifestyle, so you don't want to spend 14 hours a day at work, right? So then that's fulfillment for you. That's your definition of success. You're saying I just want to keep my job, but I will do my best. Make myself a subject matter expert in one particular area, kind of make yourself indispensable. Yes, be adaptable, learn your skills, but for the most part, you are happy with the lifestyle you've drawn for yourself and that's good enough, right? It's perfect for you. So you're thriving and flourishing because you've balanced all the domains of your life, including keeping the job where your leaders respect you, they respect your expertise. So so many different paths to thriving and flourishing. It's your definition.

John Gallagher: 21:50

I love that and because it's not always that people just want to rise above the rise of corporate ladder. They want to thrive and flourish as a whole person, and their work is not necessarily their life, but it's a vehicle that allows them to live the life they want to live as well, and so you need to be good at that. But you also want to be balanced in the areas of those other accounts, if you will in your life. Love that Right. I'm curious so you're a coach in that space. You're a coach and folks in the corporate world to do that. Do you have a specific story of an individual that you've coached that was successful? You don't have to share any names or anything like that, but just one that's kind of touched you in terms of their journey and what they've gone through and you've helped them go through.

Vidya Raman: 22:29

Right, I mentioned a few in my book, but you know, before I became a coach, I was a mentor in my corporate world and I tell you I have changed and I feel good about it. This is where the satisfaction comes from People who are shy, and I'm thinking of this one person who could never bring themselves to speak up in a meeting. Right, how I brought them out of the shell to the point and I would see the shift in the persona of that person now being a confident person, speaking their mind, bringing their expertise. How did I do that? Right, it's really giving them these opportunities with questions that lead to them to give them, to give me, a small answer to something they accomplished, complimenting them in a group setting. It just builds their confidence little by little. As you keep calling out to this person, suddenly they start believing in themselves and they show up better. I have helped people I mean small things as a mentorship where they always felt they were getting pushed back, they were not being respected, and I zoned in on you know, look at your emails. You know you have to earn this respect. How are you communicating? Sometimes, if you say too many sorry's and thank you's, you actually undervalue yourself. People say be respectful. So I have actually changed people's career trajectory to a point I get notes saying, hey, I just got promoted. I want to let you know I got promoted, you know because and I wanted to share this with you because managers typically don't tell you what you're doing wrong, which is and there are many reasons why sometimes managers walk on eggshells. They don't like to tell you what you're really doing wrong, so they kind of skirt the issue. And sometimes people who are not fully self aware, they miss their blind spots. And it's so important to tell people yes, you're good in this. So because when people are like, why, flummoxed by, I'm doing everything right, why am I not getting ahead? Why is they don't know? You know, maybe in your email you don't check grammar. You know people are reading who you are based on one email and making a decision on you're not such a professional, these things. So know how you show up at work. How are you being perceived? Are you being respectful to somebody else when they're sharing their opinion, asking follow up questions, all these little things? Because you come across as a leader when you do that. So you got to show it to people If you just give them a little nudge, you'll start seeing transformations happen. Anyway, so you know, I tell you one thing Sometimes I feel a managers didn't choose politeness so much In a very politically correct environment. Maybe you can save people a lot of time and pain by giving them honest feedback and tell them why you're giving them honest feedback, because sometimes, if your intention is clear and you tell them I really, really want to help you, you are so good at this You're probably not seeing this. Let me help you with some feedback. But it's lacking and you can't transform all managers.

John Gallagher: 25:39

So I tell you, grow your own self-awareness and pay attention and ask friends, you know you have used that word with me and I'm looking for my notes here because I wanted to use the correct term as I, as I wrote it down, it was violent politeness. In terms of understanding, you had talked to me about this before when we did a preview call and you know I, as I listen through you, you're exactly where. It's unfortunate that some of our managers are not going to give us the feedback we want, for many reasons because they're insecure about giving and they don't want to hurt people's feelings. And there's that difference of being nice. They're going to tell you the good things but they're not going to tell you what you need. That are often not all what you need to be better. And, frankly, those who I remember the most, the mentors who I remember the most and have an impact on my life, are those that have told me kindly, out of love, with candor, the blind spots that I have, the areas I need to get better. We could spend a whole podcast just talking about that one topic violent politeness. I know we could receiving giving good feedback. It's so, so important. So thanks for sharing the story in terms of what you've been through. I talked about the books when I have authors on the show and I had. I had one author who talked about the one-year test. Okay, so I'm finished with the book. I set it on the side. It goes up on my bookshelf and One year from now I'd look at that, go across my books and I'm like what's the one-year test for this book? Right here, when you see, when folks see this book sitting on their bookshelf after they read it, what do you want them to feel or what do you want them to think and what do you want them to do as a result of reading your book with you?

Vidya Raman: 27:18

You know I want them to first. Hopefully they're feeling like, wow, this book really helped me. It gave me practical tips on how to, because books on self-help can be very theoretical. But this is a practical book and if they want to, I want them to say you know what? Let me see, what did she say on the morning routine? Maybe you know and go back and read that chapter. So I want them to. It's a very easy read and I wanted it to be an easy read because I tell you, you know, very few books get read. Start to finish. Read your favorite chapters again. If you have to Refresh, if you run into a roadblock at work, come back to that book and say where am I in this journey, in this five-step framework? But let it be. The questions that are there in that book is for you to answer in every stage of your career. I've had people who shared their progress reports with me right after they read the book to see, because they've been now following some of the steps.

John Gallagher: 28:18

Oh yeah, now I know what she was doing. Absolutely. She's walking through these steps, absolutely right.

Vidya Raman: 28:23

So anyway, I mean it's, it's a good guide, it's, I would say it's really a practical how-to book. If they ever want to go back and flip through a chapter to make sure If they're still on track, that's great. But it's an easy book, so the first read is easy, start to finish. It's real-life examples in corporate America. I mean, everybody experiences that. But then you know, just see how far they've come. Maybe the other thing that they'll think about is wow, when I got the book I wasn't so much pain. And look at me, now I'm really flourishing. That should be a thought that goes through your mind.

John Gallagher: 28:57

Absolutely. I love that. Go from pain to thirst, the flourishing. I love that as you go, and I hope that's what they feel as they read through it. Look, I know I'm gonna suggest that folks get a copy of this book. You can find it on Amazon and I think it's important the folks I'll put a link to the book in the show notes of the show, but also video. How do folks stay in touch with you because I'm sure they're gonna want to talk to you as well. Where can they find you?

Vidya Raman: 29:21

Oh, you can eat. You can find me very easily on LinkedIn. I happen to be lucky. You know, vidya Raman is not it's a very common name, but I managed to get the act. Vidya Raman on LinkedIn. I live in Charlotte, so it's easy. You know you have the right person, so LinkedIn is the best way to get in touch with me. I also have a website with my name, vidya Raman, comm. So those two ways to reach me, absolutely.

John Gallagher: 29:44

Excellent. I Will make sure both your LinkedIn and your website and a link to the book are in the show notes. But, yeah, I appreciate you investing your time with the uncommon leader podcast listeners today. I'm going to finish you off First honor your time, but thank you with the same last question. I always ask my first time guest as well, and I'm going to give you a billboard. You can place that billboard anywhere you want. Charlotte's pretty busy. You can put it out on 85, right by the airport is always traffic there anyway in terms of what's going through and so but you get to put any message you want to on that billboard. What is the message that you put on there and why?

Vidya Raman: 30:22

Okay, the message actually is one of my more recent favorite quotes and I tell you the reason for picking this quote is because I've noticed corporate employees. They tend to play small, they limit themselves, self-limit themselves from not reaching their true potential. So this is the quote I would put out there. It's from John shed, I think I hope I'm quoting the person correctly. The court is this a Ship in the harbor is safe, but is that what it was built for? A ship in the harbor is safe, but is that what it was built for? Show up for what you were built for. Show up in all your glory. Do not limit yourself and stay safe in the harbor is my message for people. Because, I tell you, my biggest fear is and the reason why I had shifts in my life is because I dread getting to the end of my life, looking back and saying I Did not take chances, I did not live the life I should have, and that's what I want everybody to experience. At least they put in their best, tried, as opposed to settling, and that's that's my vision for everybody. Love that video.

John Gallagher: 31:35

Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for sharing with the listeners the uncommon leader podcast. I actually I'm stuck on that. I love that quote. You know, show, show up as well. I mean I hear that from you. Don't, don't stay back in the harbor, show up. But I wish you the best of luck with the book no pun intended on the lucky you and Going forward as well. So I'm glad that Patty Connected us and we get a chance to talk today. I wish you the best.

Vidya Raman: 32:01

Thank you so much, john. What pleasure. Thank you.

John Gallagher: 32:10

Well, that's all for today's episode of the uncommon leader podcast. Thanks for listening in. Please take just a minute to share this podcast without someone you know that you thought of when you heard this episode. One of the most valuable things you can do is to rate the podcast and leave a review. You can do that on Apple podcast, or you can rate the podcast on Spotify or any other platform you listen. Until next time, go and grow champs.