She Speaks Fire: Battling Shame, Reigniting Faith, and Claiming Purpose with Mariela Rosario

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, uncommon Leaders, welcome back. This is the Uncommon Leader podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher. Today I've got an incredible guest joining us. It's Mariela Rosario, the author of the newly released book she Speaks Fire. And guess what? Her book is releasing and this episode is releasing right around her birthday. So happy birthday to you, mariela. Get ready for an inspiring conversation as we dive in her journey and the valuable lessons she has to share with leaders just like you. She opens up about a significant experience from her childhood that still impacts her to this day, and she bravely shares her battle with shame and the profound effect it had on her perception of self-worth and love. You won't want to miss hearing how she overcame this struggle and gained insights that she incorporates into her new book she Speaks Fire. So give her this special birthday gift. Listen in and then go and get a copy of this book today. Let's get started. Mariela Rosario, welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast. It is great to have you on the show. I'm looking forward to our conversation today. How are you doing? I'm doing well. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:03

I'm loving the title of your podcast the Uncommon Leader. This is awesome. Thank you for having me. You're welcome and I'm looking forward. I'm sure we're gonna have an uncommon conversation.

Speaker 1: 1:12

Today as well, we're here to talk about your book that's coming out. She Speaks Fire. In fact, when we have dropped this episode, it'll be the day that your book releases, so I'm pretty excited for you and what that's gonna mean Battling shame, reigniting your faith and claiming your purpose. I'm sure it's going to be a great read for many, and inside of your book, it really leads right into the first question often that I ask my first time guests, and that's the tell me a story from your childhood or memory that still impacts who you are today, and I'm sure that a big part of that is the book that you wrote. So tell me a story about who you are. Yeah, okay, so one of the biggest things.

Speaker 2: 1:53

So in my book the title I was very meticulous about not writing overcoming shame or getting overshame. It's battling because I this story that I'm about to share with you guys is really like something that stuck with me. I'm already 36 years old and this happened to me when I was 10 years old. I was like I grew up in a single parent home with my father and my two sisters, and we never really celebrated our birthdays. We would go to dinner. We all were only 11 months apart, so our birthdays landed within the same two months of the year January and February. So we would always go to like one dinner to celebrate all three of our birthdays and then go get like a malt shake. But one year my older sister decided let's do a birthday party and it's like, let's do a birthday party. And it was the first birthday party I've ever had in my life. I've been to multiple. I mean by 10. You've been invited to your fair share of birthday parties. So I definitely was super excited. I remember writing out the invitations and pretty much at that age I'm like if you've spoken to me, you're invited to my party. I don't want anybody to be left out and it was at this like family fun center place and we each had our own table and each one of our table had our cake in it and we had tokens for our guests when they came. And you could imagine your first birthday party. I'm thinking like, oh my gosh, I hope someone smashes my face in the cake. I'm going to be so embarrassed when they sing me happy birthday. So I had this big like idea of what it was going to be like and I would see my sister's guests come in and one o'clock came to a clock came, nobody showed up to my birthday party. Not one person showed up. And that had really stuck with me, because in that moment I realized like whoa, that's when shame really entered into my life, where I said, wow, there's something wrong with me, there's, I'm not worth loving, I'm not worth someone showing up for me. And that seed was planted in my heart that day and it's something that I still work through, even as an adult with children of my own, battling that, and I know that that's kind of like a traumatic story. I haven't had it. And what's crazy is that this podcast is coming out the day my book comes out. My birthday is actually tomorrow, february 14th. So I'm like God redeem this story. But yeah, that's really impacted my life as I've gone through and how I make decisions in the way that I live.

Speaker 1: 4:31

Mariela, I appreciate that story and I'm going to guess that many of our listeners some way shape or form, can relate to that story as well. I also appreciate you talking about the story of like not overcoming but still battling Right. You know, in terms that I've used or heard before not used but heard before it's the highlight reel that plays over that. When you have a situation that pops up, that highlight reel from that shame comes back to you.

Speaker 2: 4:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:59

You're always battling to keep that voice, keep that highlight reel away from impacting you and changing you. So I appreciate you sharing that and I appreciate you sharing that you still battle that Now. That topic shame can have an impact on our lives forever. Again, I think everybody's got to have a story about that in terms of what that means. So your journey through that and it's still a journey today how did it lead you to writing this book then? So how did you? Why did you decide to put it into a book?

Speaker 2: 5:27

Yeah, basically, I went my whole life trying to run away from this feeling that something was wrong with me, because in that moment, like when that experience happened, I went into hiding. I started putting on a persona that I thought would be a people would love and validate and approve of. So I started performing, I started being somebody that I wasn't and living from the outside in. And what that did in my life is it led me to ways to try to escape my pain, because after so long of performing and pretending and living from the outside and you're going to be led in exhaustion and that's exactly what happened. So it led me to abuse substances at some point in my life toxic relationships. My life was just going very downhill and I had no hope and I have no purpose. And I had this radical encounter with God. I didn't grow up knowing God. I didn't grow up really like being involved in a church or anything like that. I was equivalent to the Easter Bunny. He was equivalent to this thing that I know maybe exists, but I don't know him and he doesn't really know me. And I had this radical encounter at home through the word, like reading the Bible. I never picked up the Bible and I started reading through the book of Genesis and I'm like, what? Like I'm created by something. I'm a spoken word artist, so I know everything that I create it has an intention, so everything that I put out is an extension of myself. And in that moment I had an encounter with the living God and I felt free, I felt loved. But even walking in, knowing who I am, I was still battling with something. I said why do I still seek, like the approval and the validation of other people to be content? And it led me on a journey to understand what shame is. It led me on a journey to see how it operates and how it moves in our lives. And I got led back to the book of beginnings, when the first time shame was ever introduced to humanity. It's as old as humans are. The first time it was even mentioned in scripture was saying that we didn't have it Like. It said that they were naked and they felt no shame. And the first time sin entered the world the fall of man the first thing that was mentioned was they felt shame. So I was like, wow, this thing that I'm battling it's something way bigger than myself and it really led me on a journey to understand it. So that's where she speaks. Fire came and the reason it's titled she Speaks Fire is because I went my whole life without having her voice because of shame. I went my whole life hiding and I feel like, once you really are, have a revelation of who you are and the authentic life that I believe that Jesus came to bring each and every single one of us. We're free and we're able to speak. Fire, that's just true. That's being exactly who you are.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Yeah, Mariela, that's really cool when you started talking about shame and you started talking about Genesis and when it first appeared, I mean she was one of them arms, just to think about that. And that's okay, cause my wife and I had actually just discussed Genesis last night as well, in terms of going through and trying to understand and read into what God was telling us in that story. So for you to talk about that. So at 10 years old, you experience, in essence, your garden of Eden at 10 years old, where you have shame and now it leads you to behaviors that you don't want to. You're 36 today. How long ago was that where you had that experience and had that moment, that pivotal moment in your life that changed?

Speaker 2: 9:05

With God. I 2015,. So that was about eight years ago. Yeah, Eight years ago. And what you were talking about when you said I was in my garden and I had that experience with shame, and then I was going to different destructive things in my life. Those things are fig leaves. Every single one of us we carry a fig leaf, knowingly or unknowingly. And that was really interesting to me was that in that moment I felt naked, vulnerable, and I felt that shame. So I put on the fig leaf of, I'm just gonna put on a smile and nobody's gonna know how much in pain I am and I'm gonna pretend like nothing is wrong, because that's my way of covering my nakedness, that's my way of covering who I am and what I'm really experiencing in this very moment. So we all carry those in one way, shape or form. And, yeah, as we go down this journey, I feel like God is calling us to lay down our fig leaves because he's given us a better covering in Christ.

Speaker 1: 10:09

Madhya, it's a facade. You're exactly right. Those fig leaves that are there that hide that I had written and spoken with some folks a couple of months back about the emojis that are in our phone and that we can put that facade up that smiley face emoji that goes out with our phone, knowing that behind that there's something totally different. So to understand that and again to battle that on a regular basis is very important. So owning our stories, owning that 10-year-old story, is very important to us as leaders, as leaders of homes, as leaders in our church, as leaders in our businesses, to go forward and ultimately to find freedom from that shame. So how can people create an environment of vulnerability to be able to share their story and heal from that? How did you do that?

Speaker 2: 11:00

You know what? I think that the biggest way that we battle shame is by naming it. It's by coming out of hiding and sharing our vulnerabilities and our stories. So when we have an identity, it all comes down to the root of your identity. Once you have a radical revelation of your identity, that everything you need now and for the future you already possess in Christ, that you are made in the image and the likeness of God, that you no longer have to live from the outside, and once you're solid in that identity, you're gonna be empowered to show people your nakedness and your vulnerability. But if we're still living from that place and trying to control the perceptions of those around us or navigate this life with a facade, then we're always gonna be a slave to the bondage of shame. The only way to battle shame is to expose shame, and I know that we're talking to business leaders, church leaders, mothers, fathers, and there's pressure in the world of what we believe success is or what we believe killing. It is. In the spirit that God has called us in. But I wanna shift our perspective. In the garden, god affirmed and approved of Adam and Eve before they ever did anything. In the ministry of Jesus, he affirmed and approved to some before he ever did anything. So the hats that we wear, those are great things that we're able to do in tangent with God, but they are not our identity. They're not at the core of who we are. The core of who we are is we're made in the image of God, where this is our Son and I am well pleased. Once we have that understanding, then all those other things cannot make us or break us, because those things shift. If you put out a product and no one buys your product, that is not an indication of who you are. If you host an event and nobody shows up to your event, that is not an indication of who you are. Were you obedient to what God is calling you to do, then that's what we do in the audience of one and you cannot be shaked or shifted in who you are and allowing people to say, hey, that hurt me and not feeling like. You have to control the perception of those around you.

Speaker 1: 13:10

Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you. Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations. If you've been inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me. It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team. Okay, let's get back to the show. Mariela, you're going to. You're going to strike a chord with the listeners. There's no doubt about it, and I know there are people listening right now that are saying and she's right, I, I do hide behind this, I do not live from the inside out and I want to make that change. Mariela, how did you? You started in the word, but how did you first make that change right In terms of identifying it, naming it, calling it out for what it is, and then, secondly, you again, you've said you've not necessarily overcome, you still battle it. What are the disciplines that you have that you could suggest for others to battle that shame that exists in all of us.

Speaker 2: 14:27

Yeah, you know why I believe, like, like we battle, it is because the, the some total of our lives is the experiences and the things that we've been through, that it's ingrained certain pathways in our brain that that lead us to a new, to that place, that familiar place. But when we, when we the, the word of God tells us that we're not to be conformed but we're to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. So that's one big thing is I had to start thinking about what it is that I was thinking about. Is it true what I'm saying? We see what I'm thinking. We see in the garden that the way shame was ushered into humanity was because the first humans believed a lie. They believe something about God that wasn't true, that caused them to act in a certain way that actually detached, to detach them from God. So I'm definitely I use capturing my minds, my thoughts, taking them captive. The biggest thing, though, that I would say is that community is being in a place with people that you can show your wounds to and your scars to, in in safety, because we, we aren't called to live alone, we're not called to live in a secret place of isolation. Even within the Godhead, father, son, holy Spirit. There's community there, there's, there's, there's. The scripture tells us to confess our sins to one another and then we will be healed. And that's the biggest thing that God had to work out in me, cause, yes, I had this great encounter with God. And if it was just me and God, I'm like, yes, I could, I could be with God all the time. I'm good until I'm around people. I'm like whoa, like you mean, you want me to trust people and in the mystery of God, I can't even. There's no formula. It's a mystery that when you allow people to see you, healing comes. And that's the biggest thing that I would say that I have to practice is by letting people into my pain.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Not easy to do. As you said, it is, it's, it's it's not while it's intended for us. It's certainly not natural that vulnerability you know. In essence, opening up the kimono, if you will, and showing folks your problems is not easy, because you come to that word, then judgment, others judge you when really, as you say, there's only one who gets to judge us at the end, and outside of that it's not important what others judge. But being vulnerable to allow them to bring empathy and love into your life is so powerful. I think about that as as you share it, and again I think about kind of home groups and and even even in work or in life, how many things we hide behind and never share, and once we do share them, like I already knew that about you. If you just would have talked to me about it, I would have been there and we wait so long and it's like oftentimes it's not nearly as bad as we make it out to be.

Speaker 2: 17:28

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:29

It's a risk.

Speaker 2: 17:31

It's a risk and you're blessed. I'd like to just say like, you're blessed if you have one or two people in your life. You don't need like when we say community, it's not like a big group of people If you have one person that can see you like, just really see you, and I believe that that's really been like at at the. It's been really like people, because I started she speaks fire my ministry in 2018. And the way that God allowed me to start battling my own shame was actually through this book. Like I was using the methods that I used to cope in the world. I brought it into the kingdom, where I should be the most free, I should be the most liberated, and I didn't understand why this yoke, this easy yoke, and this light burden that Jesus said he came to bring. I wasn't experiencing that and I realized that I was taking those same habits that I had in the world into the kingdom and I was hiding behind my gifts and I was hiding behind my ministry and these things. But people, but nobody really knew me and that's a very dangerous place to be when to be unknown, to be unseen in, in your highs and your lows. We like to just propagate the good things of our life. But God created us to be human. God has not taken aback by your humanity, he's not taken aback by the things that you struggle with or the things that that that burden you and weigh you down. He's actually given us a system. He's given us a family. He's given us people to journey along with, that can carry your burdens with you, that can carry your fears, speak faith into the fears that that that try to overcome your mind, because I know for me the enemy will try to get me isolated and I'm believing the lies that are being told to me. When, really, if I just open up to somebody that that godly counsel, godly wisdom that has the spirit of God in them, that I know is going to speak life over me, it can be shifted in one second, one second.

Speaker 1: 19:32

There's so many different ways I want to go with this. There's a thought that's in my mind that talks about a quote that I've heard before. It's you are most powerfully positioned to help the person that you used to be. I'll just make up that that's what your book is there for. Okay, to help you as much as it helps the people that are going to read it as you go forward, as you share that story, right. So even if you're the only person that buys that book which you won't be it's a story that you wrote, that is for you, and it's it's. You know it's come from you, it's come from your calling, which is there. Shame can keep us from reaching our calling, what God expected of us to do to serve, and so I'm so glad that you did write this book to be able to share. You mentioned being able to share, and it's good if you have one or two people in your life. Is there a specific person who's influenced you and maybe you don't want to pull it out during the interview, the podcast, but maybe just a story could share about someone who's been an influence and been supportive of you in your life?

Speaker 2: 20:36

Yeah, so let me think I want to give the flowers to I have. I have a community. I have a beautiful community within my local church that I have tried to run away from multiple times because being loved well to people that have not ever received that. We can definitely try to push that like away. But like my pastors and friends that I've met there that just like don't want anything from me but just to see me live in an experienced life in overflow and I've just it's beautiful as we enter into the kingdom of God Like this is really like. Abundant life is not what the world says. Abundant life is Actually just being free from the bondage of performance or anything that tries to keep you captive. So I can't give one person all this credit. I think it was really the people that God has positioned in my life that when I didn't go looking for them, they actually came and found me. I just had to be positioned in a place that I can actually receive it and I think that that can actually be a word of encouragement for somebody is that we we say like we want friends but we don't position ourselves to make those kind of connections and we hide in our isolation and our comfortability, and God is calling us to step out into the unknown and he meets us in that place. He says like take one step. Like faith, like without works is dead. I have faith for good relationships and position yourself in good relationships, like this uncommon leader podcast. I'm sure there's a beautiful community attached to people that have the same mindset and they're going in the same direction. I just encourage anyone that's listening allow yourself to really be known and seen and loved and supported, like there's more people, like we're not. Everything under heaven is not new. There's nothing new under the sun. So there's people that have either gone before you or are walking alongside with you, that can really journey with you and you can really experience that, that freedom, that that, I believe, is all of our portion as children of God.

Speaker 1: 22:46

Come on, mariela, perfect, beautiful. Thank you for sharing and I hope that folks come, just like the infamous rewind, although we have tapes anymore. But you know, hit that little back arrow button about three times and catch what Mariela just said with regards to the challenge that's there for you as individuals and as influencers in other people's lives as well, mariela, as an author and we won't have like the video, but the books on the shelf if many of them have had an impact on my life and someone's going to read your book and then they're going to set it up on a bookshelf, right, and the book test is when they look back over those books, like after a year, and they see your book sitting on the shelf, that you know the power is in that there's a story for them that reminds them of that book when they read it. What do you want them to feel when they read your book? That's coming out.

Speaker 2: 23:42

I want them to feel empowered to take up space. I want them to feel seen and known and not like they are. They don't have to put on. So I want anybody who reads my book to see that you're able to just be you Like, that's enough. Who you are is enough the quirks. If you're weird, that's cool. If you're funny, that's awesome. You're passionate. I want you to feel empowered to be yourself. That's it, authenticity. Live life free.

Speaker 1: 24:22

Love that. I hope I didn't ruin my last question. I just got a couple more questions for you. I can't believe how fast our time has gone. I'll read you a quote and I want you to tell me what comes to mind. Okay, so here's the quote. The whole game changes when you stop trying to prove your worth and you actually start operating in it. What does that quote mean to you?

Speaker 2: 24:44

What it means is that a lot of the times, the things that we pick up motherhood, fatherhood, entrepreneurship, ministry we have an attachment of what it deems to be successful, like a measure, a mark. But I think you just being obedient and stepping out it changes the whole game. When you don't have to prove anything to anybody and you just start living from the fact that you know the space you take up is yours, You're able to give the world whatever God has put inside of you to give, and there's nothing attached to it, Just perfect freedom. There's nothing attached to it, it's an expression.

Speaker 1: 25:24

Mariela, thank you for your time today. How do folks stay in touch with you and also, how do they find your book?

Speaker 2: 25:32

Yeah, so my book is available anywhere that books are sold Amazon, barnes, noble Target. You can grab it online anywhere and you can stay in touch with me. My website is wwwshespeaksfirecom and I'm on she Speaks Fire everywhere online.

Speaker 1: 25:50

I will make sure that I put the links to those in the show notes for us to listen to. I sure have appreciated your time today. I'll just finish you up with the last question. I always have for my first time guests and we'll go from there. But I'm gonna give you a billboard and you get to put that billboard up anywhere you want to, for millions of people to see. Mariela, what's the message on that billboard and why do you put that on there?

Speaker 2: 26:16

I feel like I'm gonna sound like a broker record, but the message on the billboard, loud and proud, is gonna say come out of hiding. That's what it's gonna say. Come out of hiding. And why? Because God is intentional. You're in this world for a reason. For such a time as this, you are an expression of all mighty God, and who you are is enough. Let us see you. Let us see you so we can see each other.

Speaker 1: 26:44

Excellent, Mariela. Happy birthday to you. Thank you Tomorrow as we record this, and I wish you the best, much success with your book and as you go forward in your ministry as well. I do appreciate you being a guest on the podcast.

Speaker 2: 26:58

Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 27:03

And that wraps up another episode of the Uncommon Leader podcast. Thanks for tuning in today. If you found value in this episode, I encourage you to share it with your friends, colleagues or anyone else who could benefit from the insights and inspiration we've shared. Also, if you have a moment, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback not only helps us to improve, but it also helps others discover the podcast and join our growing community of Uncommon Leaders. Until next time, go with Grow Champions. Seen you on the next episode.