WEBVTT
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.044
To me, that is the other side of potential.
00:00:02.044 --> 00:00:16.867
It's not just what am I manifesting in terms of my career and money and you know, climbing the ladder in titles or whatever it might be, but it's like who am I in terms of my own character and what am I doing in the world to make the world a better place?
00:00:24.740 --> 00:00:26.125
Hey, uncommon Leaders, welcome back.
00:00:26.125 --> 00:00:28.129
This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast.
00:00:28.129 --> 00:00:34.152
I'm your host, john Gallagher, real excited about my conversation today with Dr Sharon Spano.
00:00:34.152 --> 00:00:44.530
She's going to talk about something that, frankly, has been on my heart a bunch lately, and that's this idea of how do I be successful and feel fulfilled at the same time.
00:00:44.530 --> 00:00:46.454
Or is there a gap there, dr Spano?
00:00:46.454 --> 00:00:49.286
She has a PhD in human organizational systems.
00:00:49.286 --> 00:00:59.225
She blends science and personal development to guide CEOs and consultants and entrepreneurs toward radical growth, so I look forward to talking about that in terms of a topic as well.
00:00:59.225 --> 00:01:07.948
She's also the host of a podcast, the Other Side of Potential those of you watching on video can see that behind her shoulder there and the author of the Pursuit of Time and Money.
00:01:07.948 --> 00:01:14.781
She shares her insights today on breaking free from the emptiness of success and to live life with purpose.
00:01:14.781 --> 00:01:17.509
So, dr Spano, welcome to the Uncommon Leader podcast.
00:01:17.509 --> 00:01:18.230
How are you doing today?
00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:19.341
I'm doing great.
00:01:19.341 --> 00:01:20.805
Thanks so much for having me on board.
00:01:20.805 --> 00:01:22.912
I'm very excited to have this conversation.
00:01:27.959 --> 00:01:35.448
Absolutely, I am as well, and I'll start you off with the same question that I always ask my first time guests, because it's kind of fun, but to ask you to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are today as a person or as a leader.
00:01:36.471 --> 00:01:41.245
That's such a big question, but when I thought about that, the answer is kind of easy for me.
00:01:41.245 --> 00:01:57.370
In that and this may sound contrary to popular belief but my parents were divorced and actually that turned out to be a blessing, in that my father, after a few years, got custody of us and we were placed with my paternal grandmother.
00:01:57.370 --> 00:02:02.950
And it was not easy because we were not really wanted there by my sister and I.
00:02:02.950 --> 00:02:13.645
When I say we, my aunts and uncles, my grandmother lived with them, they had their own family and we were really not wanted and it was very well known that we were not wanted.
00:02:13.645 --> 00:02:17.161
I mean, I felt it very much as a four or five-year-old whatever I was.
00:02:18.002 --> 00:02:24.894
But my grandmother turned out to be just the beacon in my life, in that she gave me my faith.
00:02:24.894 --> 00:02:31.004
She taught me so many things, one being she lost her son in the war.
00:02:31.004 --> 00:02:39.209
And looking back, you and I have talked about my losing my own son years and years later, but I realized my son was disabled.
00:02:39.209 --> 00:02:47.519
My grandmother also was disabled, so she really prepared me for being an advocate for people with disabilities.
00:02:47.519 --> 00:03:00.210
I didn't even realize that until I went into my master's program and I was writing a book about my own son and my professor said your grandmother needs to be in this book because, she was the first you know, your first experience with disability.
00:03:00.611 --> 00:03:01.616
So she gave me my faith.
00:03:01.616 --> 00:03:02.961
She taught me about disability.
00:03:02.961 --> 00:03:16.711
She also taught me about grief and how to lose a son, and I felt as prepared as you can be when you lose a child as a result of having lived with her and you know hearing the stories all my whole life about my uncle.
00:03:16.711 --> 00:03:23.146
So he died in the war, but she was the one and my book, isabel's God, is named after her.
00:03:23.949 --> 00:03:49.280
Wow, you know I love first of all, I love stories of grandmothers who have had positive impacts on us, but I truly love you, sharon, also the story about your son as well, and, as you talked about in your book, as you go through that and talking about that journey, oftentimes the people that we help the most are the ones we were so much like when we were young or when we went through certain things inside of our career.
00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:54.111
I know many of the times I talk about who do I talk to in podcasts and things like that.
00:03:54.111 --> 00:03:57.751
It's that person that I was 25 years ago looking to kind of grow.
00:03:57.751 --> 00:04:00.068
So you have a tremendous opportunity.
00:04:00.068 --> 00:04:02.649
So I am condolences on your loss.
00:04:02.649 --> 00:04:03.853
So I am condolences on your loss.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:11.235
I know that's something you've had to work through in your career and clearly, something you're able to show others and how to get through that.
00:04:11.235 --> 00:04:13.784
So let's dive right in.
00:04:13.784 --> 00:04:22.973
Ultimately, in terms of the topic that I'm here talking about, you talk about a topic breaking free from the emptiness of success and to live with purpose.
00:04:22.973 --> 00:04:24.908
So what's the emptiness of success?
00:04:24.908 --> 00:04:26.461
How do I know I have it?
00:04:26.461 --> 00:04:29.072
What are the signs of it in terms of how you coach people?
00:04:29.552 --> 00:04:57.403
Yeah, it's such a great question because early in my career I felt like I worked with a lot of people who were climbing the ladder and then in the last 10 years, as we've seen people catapult to wealth and success and prosperity as a result of the internet and all these pop-ups and angel investors, as we've seen people catapult to wealth and success and prosperity, you know, as a result of the internet and all these pop-ups and, you know, angel investors, and we've just seen a lot more people at a lot more younger ages acquire a certain level of or a high level, I should say of success.
00:04:57.403 --> 00:05:02.101
And then I began to notice in my clients what I'm now calling the emptiness of success.
00:05:02.101 --> 00:05:15.151
Meaning you know they have the million dollar plus house, you know multiple million dollar plus house, you know the multiple cars, you know all the toys, but they're not happy, they don't feel fulfilled.
00:05:15.151 --> 00:05:19.944
And I usually get them along somewhere in that spectrum.
00:05:19.944 --> 00:05:26.228
You know, maybe they're still trying to build the business or scale it, but they've got the money, but they're just not happy.
00:05:26.228 --> 00:05:29.629
And there's sort of this deeper question of is this all there is?
00:05:29.629 --> 00:05:37.074
And I just feel, you know, my work is grounded in human development, as you know, and there are 12 stages of human development.
00:05:37.074 --> 00:05:42.192
So the average American in our workforce is at stage five or six.
00:05:42.192 --> 00:05:49.947
So there's room there, obviously, for a lot more of developmental growth in terms of our worldviews and perceptions.
00:05:50.507 --> 00:05:56.586
And so we really first identify where the pain or the emptiness is, and often they don't even really know.
00:05:56.586 --> 00:06:00.932
It's something often that they originally think from a concrete perspective.
00:06:00.932 --> 00:06:09.819
I'm having trouble with my partner, for example, or I'm not really connected to my kids, or I don't have time for X, y, z, or I'm having trouble with my partner, for example, or I'm not really connected to my kids, or I don't have time for X, y, z, or I'm, you know, I'm having trouble with my team.
00:06:09.819 --> 00:06:15.322
So it'll, it'll be initially something very obvious and concrete, but that's usually not the answer.
00:06:15.322 --> 00:06:22.021
There's usually an abstract something beneath all of that that we have to, you know, look at.
00:06:22.021 --> 00:06:37.132
So, for an example, I worked all last year with the gentleman who was having trouble with a partner and they were best friends along the way and of course he's trying to preserve the friendship as well as the business, and yeah, that's a very real piece.
00:06:37.132 --> 00:06:40.161
And so we could talk about tactics around that.
00:06:40.562 --> 00:06:45.004
But the deeper wound came, and it took us a little while to get there.
00:06:45.004 --> 00:06:59.615
The deeper wound came from anger, issues that we then discovered were a result of embarrassment, and the embarrassment came from some experiences that he had had in his early childhood.
00:06:59.615 --> 00:07:02.677
I'm not talking about looking, it's not therapy.
00:07:02.677 --> 00:07:03.577
I'm not a therapist.
00:07:03.577 --> 00:07:17.148
We're not looking back in the way that we would in therapy although I think there's a time and a place for that but I like to say to my clients we're going to look backward just long enough to discover what's really going on here, but we're not going to stare at the page.
00:07:18.471 --> 00:07:20.625
So I love that, and you can talk about those different stages.
00:07:20.625 --> 00:07:21.560
We could dive into that a little bit.
00:07:21.560 --> 00:07:22.863
We different stages, we could dive into that a little bit.
00:07:22.863 --> 00:07:27.031
We get to a certain point, because I think about these leaders, and many that I work with as well.
00:07:27.031 --> 00:07:28.814
They've got to your point.
00:07:28.814 --> 00:07:44.829
They've got the book definition of success, they've got a successful business which has resulted to your point in multiple items of stuff homes, cars, boats, whatever those things are, trips and all those things that they have.
00:07:44.829 --> 00:07:46.843
But how do they end up coming to you?
00:07:46.843 --> 00:07:47.043
Then?
00:07:47.043 --> 00:07:58.286
There's something that's missing, right, because I often talk about, well, change, when the displeasure of remaining the same is greater than the change or greater than the pain of the change itself.
00:07:58.286 --> 00:08:02.903
And so they're coming to you, probably saying I need to scale my business.
00:08:02.903 --> 00:08:05.249
But you know right off the bat, that's not where they are.
00:08:05.249 --> 00:08:05.990
How do you get them there?
00:08:06.872 --> 00:08:07.072
Right.
00:08:07.072 --> 00:08:10.860
Well, often they know they're unhappy, that'll be it, you know.
00:08:10.860 --> 00:08:25.951
They'll know they're unhappy, pardon me and often they really can't even define what happiness would look like for them, because they've spent a big part of their lives thinking I will be happy if I acquire XYZ.
00:08:25.951 --> 00:08:28.663
But now I have XYZ and I'm still not happy.
00:08:28.663 --> 00:08:35.085
So we have to kind of again get to the root, and I think that's where coaching or consulting comes in.
00:08:35.184 --> 00:08:39.822
Is it's very difficult to get to the root of the issue by yourself.
00:08:39.822 --> 00:08:42.086
I mean, obviously, if we could do that, we would just do it.
00:08:42.086 --> 00:08:47.654
So I think you need to walk alongside someone who can help you really.
00:08:47.654 --> 00:08:56.150
You know, we're trained as consultants, as coaches, as even therapists, obviously to listen to what's not being said, and then I do things.
00:08:56.299 --> 00:09:03.128
I have a 12-week process called Potential Unleashed, where I bring together all of my training and experience in the field.
00:09:03.128 --> 00:09:36.389
It's really a hybrid of everything I've experienced throughout the many years that I've been in the field, in and out of corporate America, and I have certain tools in there, and one of those tools is we look at the genogram, which is looking at the family history, because we know now that many things that we carry come through the family line literally, and so I find it's very interesting in that some of my clients may be unhappy, but they have a perfect life, and that unhappiness comes from what we call in my business a hidden loyalty to an ancestor.
00:09:36.389 --> 00:09:44.164
So, for instance, if my mother was never happy, you know now I have the perfect marriage and wonderful kids and a great business and a loving husband.
00:09:44.164 --> 00:09:45.489
Well, how can I be happy?
00:09:45.489 --> 00:09:51.659
My mother was never happy, and I carry that internally without even knowing that that's happening.
00:09:51.659 --> 00:10:01.014
So then I have processes that help us break through those perspectives and reframe whatever is going on in the individual's life.
00:10:02.282 --> 00:10:03.186
I love that as a process.
00:10:03.186 --> 00:10:19.167
Jefferson Bethke, john Tyson, wrote a book that I read last year called Fighting Shadows, and some of those shadows really were those things that kept us from becoming the person who we were called to be, whether it's from the perspective of faith or it's from the perspective of business.
00:10:19.167 --> 00:10:24.687
One of the shadows that identified there were one word was ambition, the Uh.
00:10:24.687 --> 00:10:28.907
The other one is guilt, uh, or, and even the third one being shame.
00:10:28.907 --> 00:10:34.269
Three of those seven that just they're coming back to me as you tell their stories, and so you're talking about that.
00:10:34.269 --> 00:10:39.071
Even in recognizing that it, it goes um back further Uh.
00:10:39.071 --> 00:10:46.121
You talk a good bit about how to balance ambition, uh, which can be shadow, it can be both a good thing and a bad thing with fulfillment.
00:10:46.121 --> 00:10:55.469
So, in your experience, what are some of those struggles that cause that for leaders to have an out of balance with ambition and fulfillment?
00:10:56.350 --> 00:11:20.668
Well, I think what you just stated is very accurate in that, pardon me, when you say guilt, I think of my own career and how unwittingly my own mother constantly made me feel guilt and shame over my success and my husband's success, with just a phrase, you know, she would say well, that must be nice.
00:11:20.668 --> 00:11:27.346
I never got to do that, you know, if we were going on a trip or we bought a new house, and it took me many, many years.
00:11:27.346 --> 00:11:35.011
When I wrote the book on time and money, I wrote it because I was seeing that many of my clients had either a lot of time and no money or a lot of money and no time.
00:11:35.011 --> 00:11:40.251
And so I looked at the experience of time and money through the lens of developmental growth.
00:11:40.251 --> 00:11:49.634
And that was one of my growing edges was I had to get past my own scarcity perspectives and shame over success.
00:11:49.634 --> 00:11:59.851
You know, I was always very driven and I came from a very poor family and so I was driven to get out of those environments.
00:11:59.851 --> 00:12:07.394
But then I had this mother who was a very loving mother and, honestly again, did not mean to create that in me.
00:12:07.394 --> 00:12:15.695
But I would interpret it as shame and guilt because my mother had a hard life and she never had a marriage like I have.
00:12:15.695 --> 00:12:28.024
You know, she had three husbands and none of them were very good and I chose opposite of those three because of her, because I knew I don't ever want to live in that, but I had a lot of shame and guilt about it.
00:12:28.083 --> 00:12:35.714
And so those are the kinds of things that I see they're very subtle again, subconscious things that we all carry out, of those hidden loyalties.
00:12:35.714 --> 00:12:48.813
There's actually four hidden loyalties that we've identified in the research and everything I do is also looking at the system, both the personal system, family system, individual system, as well as the organizational system.
00:12:48.813 --> 00:12:53.909
So when you look at those principles, it's very easy for my clients then to go.
00:12:53.909 --> 00:12:55.173
That's me.
00:12:55.173 --> 00:13:07.365
I have a hidden loyalty to my mother, my father, or there was an uncle or there was a grandfather who was a Flander, and I see that in my family line and I don't want to go in that direction.
00:13:07.365 --> 00:13:11.510
I always say with the first moment of awareness comes opportunity for change.
00:13:11.510 --> 00:13:25.028
So I'm really kind of the mirror, I'm the crucible, I'm holding up the mirror and then when they start to see themselves, part of what I do is teach them how to witness themselves in the moment, then the change is more automatic.
00:13:26.081 --> 00:13:29.231
Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you.
00:13:29.231 --> 00:13:37.229
Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations.
00:13:37.229 --> 00:13:50.589
If you've been inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me.
00:13:50.589 --> 00:14:03.077
It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team.
00:14:03.077 --> 00:14:03.719
Okay, let's get back to the show.
00:14:03.739 --> 00:14:10.956
I'm writing a note here because I think you flew by it so fast and maybe you've just said it so many times.
00:14:10.956 --> 00:14:16.235
So the first sign of awareness provides an opportunity to make a change.
00:14:16.235 --> 00:14:17.402
That's a huge statement.
00:14:17.402 --> 00:14:26.496
I want folks to kind of almost again I don't often say rewind or whatever that is you hit the 15 second back or 30 second back button to listen to that quote and make sure it's correct.
00:14:26.496 --> 00:14:40.642
But again, we're also back to you're able to help others because you went through it, because you experienced it, because you had those things, and so, aside from yourself, is there a client without sharing anything that you're not allowed to share.
00:14:40.642 --> 00:14:51.169
Who you have been able to help, that you frankly feel really I'll use the term proud of it might not be the right word, but certainly feel fulfilled with being able to help them out and what that story was like.
00:14:51.951 --> 00:15:15.379
Yeah, let me just for one second call attention and thank you for stopping me on that quote, because I do say it so often, but I think that what's what's important about it is typically, when we have a moment of awareness about something you know, to use your language and common psychological language, a shadow within us, we go to shame and my mission in life is to help people go know.
00:15:15.379 --> 00:15:20.664
No, when you have that awareness, that's really God just knocking you on the head, going here's a moment for growth.
00:15:20.664 --> 00:15:30.562
Let's go with that instead of going to shame, because there's no shame, as we know, and certainly from a spiritual perspective has no place in God's world.
00:15:30.562 --> 00:15:32.807
So I wanted to say that.
00:15:32.807 --> 00:15:49.206
And then, in terms of clients, well, I have to say I'm so proud for all of them because they all do such.
00:15:49.206 --> 00:15:49.726
That's right.
00:15:50.246 --> 00:15:53.948
And I recently had just this amazing young man, 32 years old.
00:15:53.948 --> 00:16:04.807
When he came to me, felt like he was failing because, quote, I only have a condo and I can't have all of my relatives here to my home because I only have a condo.
00:16:04.807 --> 00:16:07.384
And he's a young married man with a new baby.
00:16:07.384 --> 00:16:08.981
And I said let's reframe that.
00:16:08.981 --> 00:16:17.995
You don't only have a condo, only have a condo.
00:16:18.015 --> 00:16:20.721
You have a half a million dollar condo in California which very few 32-year-olds could probably pull off.
00:16:20.721 --> 00:16:21.924
Plus, he's got an amazing job.
00:16:21.924 --> 00:16:30.576
He's a brilliant young man, but what we discovered in the work with him was this need to prove himself which was actually sabotaging.
00:16:30.576 --> 00:16:40.422
His success in the company came from one sentence that his father his father was an immigrant and he was born here in the United States.
00:16:40.422 --> 00:16:53.866
And one sentence that his father said similar to my mother, just not even realizing the impact it would have on his boy is that you always have to work very hard here in America or you will be left behind.
00:16:53.866 --> 00:16:56.032
And so no matter.
00:16:56.432 --> 00:17:00.442
And you can just see a father innocently saying that, giving advice to his boy.
00:17:00.442 --> 00:17:08.968
But he was like six at the time and what it instilled in him was this need to prove myself I'm never going to be enough.
00:17:08.968 --> 00:17:11.438
And he was carrying that.
00:17:11.438 --> 00:17:29.887
So we were able to do the work, embrace his culture, embrace his father's wisdom, and reframe that wisdom and free him up so that he now knows no, I am enough, and look what I've done and you look yet how much further I can go and bless the rest of my family.
00:17:30.316 --> 00:17:49.255
So when we finished the 12-week session, we both were in tears because I hated to let him go, but he was ready and what he said to me at the end was one of the greatest things any of my clients has ever said, because in the final moments he said I'm trying to figure out why I'm so emotional about this parting.
00:17:49.255 --> 00:17:57.922
And he said I think it's because it's the first time I have ever really felt seen by anyone and I want to thank you for that.
00:17:57.922 --> 00:18:01.224
And that to me was I mean, that's the essence of my work.
00:18:01.224 --> 00:18:14.903
That's what I'm trying to do everywhere I go is help people belong and feel seen, because there's enough places where we feel we're not enough and don't belong and we certainly don't need any more of that in our lives.
00:18:16.798 --> 00:18:17.320
Amen.
00:18:17.320 --> 00:18:24.441
The solution sometimes is to some of those shadows, to some of those words that we talked about are just affirmations in yourself.
00:18:24.441 --> 00:18:27.607
First, again, both of you, at least both of us.
00:18:27.607 --> 00:18:38.721
What I hear from you in terms of faith is that we recognize that we are made in the image of God and there were no accidents and we are great in His eye and that's the only eye that we are made in the image of God and there were no accidents and we are great in his eye and that's the only eye that we need, if you will.
00:18:38.721 --> 00:18:40.905
But outside of that is creating.
00:18:40.945 --> 00:18:44.105
What I heard you say, too, are these almost affirmation statements.
00:18:44.105 --> 00:19:07.083
These, I am, statements that folks are talking about that I am worthy, that I am enough, that I am, you know, getting back to faith, a child of God, or I am successful, um, and regardless of what I was told, uh, before, those are just not true statements, and being able to start to believe and have faith and then be faithful to those activities is so important.
00:19:07.083 --> 00:19:10.577
I appreciate sharing that story, uh, and the impact you had.
00:19:10.577 --> 00:19:13.266
I can I can sense that in your voice how how much that meant to you.
00:19:13.266 --> 00:19:23.425
It's like those mic drop moments when somebody says something like that, you're like my work is done and you could almost say I can turn the phone off and I don't have to talk to anybody else anymore.
00:19:23.425 --> 00:19:26.402
That's how I want it to end, so to speak, is to hear something like that.
00:19:26.402 --> 00:19:27.946
I appreciate you sharing that.
00:19:29.195 --> 00:19:30.619
Let's shift just a little bit about you.
00:19:30.619 --> 00:19:42.401
Your podcast back behind your shoulder there those who watch on YouTube is titled the Other Side of Potential.
00:19:42.401 --> 00:19:43.285
So let's break down that title a little bit.
00:19:43.285 --> 00:19:44.450
Tell me what you see as potential and how you define that.
00:19:44.450 --> 00:19:45.073
And then what's the other side?
00:19:45.073 --> 00:19:46.238
Tell me a little bit about your podcast.
00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:52.502
Yeah, we decided and I'm actually rebranding it, but with great hesitation because I love this title.
00:19:52.542 --> 00:20:11.038
But we decided on the other side when I started this several years ago, because we realized that I was always working with people for to the to the greater end, not just about scaling the business I ran across in my career as I traveled across North America and I was in and out.
00:20:11.499 --> 00:20:16.426
One point point I was in 100 and some odd cities a year.
00:20:16.426 --> 00:20:18.690
It was ridiculous.
00:20:18.690 --> 00:20:30.444
And so I started to really see that again people were scaling and working hard and climbing that ladder, but again the self-leadership part was missing.
00:20:30.444 --> 00:20:33.617
And to me that is the other side of potential.
00:20:33.617 --> 00:20:48.760
It's not just what am I manifesting in terms of my career and money and climbing the ladder in titles or whatever it might be, but it's like who am I in terms of my own character and what am I doing in the world to make the world a better place?
00:20:48.760 --> 00:21:00.375
And so the other side of potential to me is looking at the whole self, because I don't believe we can compartmentalize, we're not one way at work and then we come home and kick the dog and leave the wife.
00:21:00.856 --> 00:21:05.631
We need to be whole leaders and so that was in the beginning.
00:21:05.631 --> 00:21:28.340
I was only interviewing CEOs to talk about how they did in fact manage the complexity of their businesses and the world they were living in in the context of living what I call an integrated life, because I'm not sure that I really believe it's semantics but I don't really believe that balanced life can ever be fully realized, because life hits us.
00:21:28.340 --> 00:21:34.098
So, for instance, when my son was critical, he was critical for four years and we were just in and out of hospitals.
00:21:34.098 --> 00:21:36.242
You know I had to make decisions.
00:21:36.242 --> 00:21:39.656
You know you keep the business going but you don't have time to go to the gym.
00:21:39.656 --> 00:21:40.338
You don't have time.
00:21:40.338 --> 00:21:43.336
I barely could get to church on Sunday because I was at the hospital.
00:21:43.336 --> 00:21:53.321
So you're always making decisions on the whole life as you're trying to keep the business going and manage your family and your own health and all those things.
00:21:53.321 --> 00:21:55.906
So to me that is the other side of potential.
00:21:55.906 --> 00:21:57.288
It's it's looking at all of it.
00:21:58.756 --> 00:22:00.881
Love that and I love the holistic approach too.
00:22:00.881 --> 00:22:02.545
I think it's it's to your point.
00:22:02.545 --> 00:22:05.884
You cannot compartmentalize as a leader.
00:22:05.884 --> 00:22:07.711
It just doesn't work.
00:22:07.711 --> 00:22:17.022
I mean, then now you're talking about character and integrity and all those things that start coming into play with the rest of those people outside of your life, and I think you're spot on.
00:22:17.022 --> 00:22:19.285
It actually makes a lot of sense.
00:22:19.285 --> 00:22:26.251
Let's bring it on the bottom shelf for folks then, just a little bit, because you talk about a term from hustle to harmony.
00:22:26.251 --> 00:22:30.656
What does that look like practically for executives?
00:22:30.656 --> 00:22:40.406
What are two or three things they can do to move from hustle the badge of honor of busyness to harmony, which because there's probably no real balance to your point, that exists in life, but harmony is good.
00:22:41.556 --> 00:22:54.204
I think you know I'm having to do more and more work around this, even with very high, high-level people, and I think the first thing is to recognize that at the end of the day, it is never going to be done.
00:22:54.204 --> 00:23:06.923
You know I'm meeting more leaders who are like well, I don't have enough hours in the day, and I think you have to, at some point, identify two to three things, major things that you know you're going to accomplish each day, each week, each quarter.
00:23:06.923 --> 00:23:18.280
You know and be realistic that because of the world we're living in and the technology that is at our fingertips, we're constantly being bombarded with text, emails, boxers.
00:23:18.280 --> 00:23:27.308
You know all these things At some point, just saying the day is over and now my time and be and be, and really I'm working with someone right now.
00:23:27.375 --> 00:23:41.707
I'm having to teach him how to be present with his own family because they're all on their cell phones through dinner and you dinner and you can't expect to have harmony with your teenagers if you've not been present to them throughout their lives.
00:23:41.707 --> 00:23:54.796
So you know it's a hard sell here, but to me it's the hustle is making decisions about these are the main things for the day, like I said, and then get those done and then lay it down and be okay with that and be present wherever you are.
00:23:54.796 --> 00:23:57.261
When I'm on vacation, like I said, and then get those done and then lay it down and be okay with that and be present wherever you are.
00:23:57.261 --> 00:24:14.507
When I'm on vacation like I was in Boca last week for Easter for three days with friends I'm in Boca with friends and this doesn't mean I don't pick up my phone and check a thing here or there, but I have the greater intention of being present wherever I am.
00:24:14.654 --> 00:24:23.436
And that took me many years to learn how to do that and I attribute it to my son because with Michael, you know, being disabled, he required a lot.
00:24:23.436 --> 00:24:40.500
It was like having five or six children many times and I just had to learn how to integrate the complexity of him because he was multiple systems in one, and then the work that I'm doing and about, and then somewhere in there trying to fit in a husband.
00:24:40.500 --> 00:24:42.865
So that was.
00:24:42.865 --> 00:24:58.868
But we both had the same priority, which was always Michael, and so that made the marriage work and also was what helped us sustain through the loss, was the commitment was always there to him and then each other.
00:24:59.796 --> 00:25:00.116
That's it.
00:25:00.116 --> 00:25:07.580
You know, I think about this like we want this airplane mode button for our life ultimately, that the distractions are turned off.
00:25:07.580 --> 00:25:07.902
I don't know.
00:25:07.902 --> 00:25:09.863
I kind of thought that almost like a title book.
00:25:09.863 --> 00:25:14.278
I want to live in airplane mode or something like that with regards to what's there I want, I want to stay there.
00:25:14.278 --> 00:25:23.429
To stay there because you've mentioned your son a few times and I really haven't given you the opportunity to tell that story, but I know it helps you with your clients as well.
00:25:23.429 --> 00:25:38.122
Tell me the story a little bit more deeper about your son, what you all went through and then how you actually practically were able to stay in airplane mode as you dealt with that, so that you could still have your relationship with your husband and still have your business and still have these things.
00:25:39.204 --> 00:25:40.316
Well, it's a big question.
00:25:40.316 --> 00:25:46.778
I don't know that we always did it perfectly all the time, but again, it was all about intention.
00:25:46.778 --> 00:25:51.007
So the short answer is my son was born with a very rare metabolic disorder.
00:25:51.007 --> 00:25:52.196
We had no warning.
00:25:52.196 --> 00:26:00.163
I had a perfect pregnancy and it manifested in that originally he was only supposed to live to two is what they told us.
00:26:00.163 --> 00:26:16.220
He lived to 27, but he was physically impaired, never able to walk, as a result of so he was what we would term developmentally delayed and that he physically was again unable to walk and then his body just started to give out and, as I said, he was critical for four years.
00:26:16.220 --> 00:26:17.982
So it was a very long, hard battle.
00:26:19.726 --> 00:26:39.480
I think that my work in part was what kept me going, because you think every day today's going to be better and you've got clients and you've got to focus on them, and it got me out of the hospital and it gave me a break, if you will, from the calamity that we were living, but also my faith.
00:26:39.480 --> 00:26:58.358
I was born Christian, I've lived that life and I was very deeply involved in a church here in Orlando where I live, and the community, the support of pastors and neighbors and friends, and all of that, you know, got us through.
00:26:58.358 --> 00:27:07.317
When you're going through something like that again, you don't even know how traumatic it is until you're on the other side of it, because you're just, you're in survival, you know.
00:27:07.317 --> 00:27:20.796
But he had an amazing life, he was an amazing human being and he did to go back to your question he created in me a level of unconditional love that I don't know I would have been capable of otherwise.
00:27:21.477 --> 00:27:27.776
And then that prepared me for empathy and you can imagine the amount of heartache I hear.
00:27:27.776 --> 00:27:36.248
For instance, as I traveled around the country, literally every day, people would be at my podium telling me about something that was going on in their lives.
00:27:36.248 --> 00:27:49.226
And that was a crucial turning point for me, because it's when I started to see the very detrimental effects of poor leadership in the stories that I heard from other people in the workforce.
00:27:49.226 --> 00:28:04.737
And then I started, I developed a whole process for leadership development and it enabled me to really walk between the two worlds of the executive C-suite and the workforce and have compassion and empathy for both sides and then bring them together.
00:28:04.737 --> 00:28:14.807
I think that's one of my strong points is I'm able to bring, you know, all players together in a collaborative, unconditional way, and all of that is because of Michael.
00:28:14.807 --> 00:28:18.862
My whole career is really a testament to him.
00:28:21.386 --> 00:28:21.807
I love that.
00:28:21.807 --> 00:28:34.406
I know again, we have the childhood stories, but then those that are closest to us, and you mentioned the community that's come out of that through your church, through those around you, and how important that is to have that community.
00:28:34.406 --> 00:28:35.729
That's another one of those.
00:28:35.729 --> 00:28:46.737
Frankly, those hustle things that leaders can miss is the development of community and being able to rely on others to help them through situations.
00:28:46.737 --> 00:28:47.659
And that's we were.
